letter to project muff stit. i don't know why i'm saving this.

Hi Project Muff+Stit.

I would just like to start of by saying that some of the stuff you guys sell are EPIC. so why don't you take a moment to enjoy that? KIDDING. you can, of course, if you want to. but. let the introduction end right now.

Well, no. I'm Cherry. I live in Malaysia and I'm giving you valuable (hopefully) feedback your food joint brain wave of an idea. so there is the bit which we call the introduction.

about the location. BAM!! SIREN BELLS ARE RINGING!! WHAT THE WHAT?! (liz lemon style) did you actually use the word, or dare I say(type) it: dodgy? nonsensical! ridiculous! crazy! did you notice the first noise? the BAM? that was the sound of my not itchy backside hitting the ground. what? Did I actually fall out of my chair when I heard (read) the word, dodgy? Why didnt you tell me to brace myself? I could have seriously hurt myself. gah! but ugh. dodgy? double gah!

Now, let's let you off the hook for a bit, I've been to Melbourne and I've seen the very underground, New-York-Loft-ish, hidden behind a red door, dingy, uber-cool to the hip crowd, misunderstood by grandmothers outlets that would classify as dodgy in a Melbourne context. Now listen very carefully, yes, lean forward, a little closer, that's right, pause that good indie music that you guys are listening to and pay careful attention when I say that dodgy in a Malaysian context is nothing like what your feeble mind tells you it is.

When I think of dodgy in Malaysia, I think of a small dusty unventilated room with unpainted walls made of leaves which serves as a warehouse for people called Mat Rempits. If you are not interested in the news of this terrible world that we live in, you may not know what Mat Rempits are. But the name itself sounds scary no? Well who are these mysterious ones? well, don't think i'm going to spare your innocent minds. I'll tell you. and you didnt hear it from me. but no, its a well known fact who they are. They are those who on their silly little modified electric horse carriages, go around snatching handbags from frail little elderly women with curly hair. Not saying that they don't snatch handbags belonging to little elderly women with straight hair. Its just that I don't think that I've ever seen an elderly woman with not curly hair. Why is that, do you think? Is it because that hair naturally curls when they grow old? Or is it because Im just a little fish in the pond and I've never travelled for enough to see old ladies with straight hair. have you seen an old lady with not curly hair? but no, I digress.

where was i? DODGY! bleugh. anyways, all these mat rempits rob and hurt innocent women with handbags, with curly and straight hair, and go to that "dodgy" room to unearth their new possesions that they have stolen. They then take hang black cloth over their cane roof and then draw nice swirly letters that read "black market". Then then turn to their "dodgy" fridge, take out some organs, walk back to their "dodgy" table, and then open their "dodgy" doors, to the "dodgy" customers.

and right next to that little shack of a building, will be your "dodgy" food joint (cum studio). i'm not sure but i don't think they might be good neighbours. IPSO FACTO. (that is not the correct use of the phrase, but you get the idea)

now, if you think I am exxaggerating, you are probably wright. If you think my spelling is terrible beyond belief, you are proabbly right also.

But the thing is, please stray away from even the hint of a dodgy stench in this country where extreme precautions must be taken always. WHY DO YOU THINK NO ONE WALKS ON THE ROAD? because there are no pedestrian lanes? yes. what? no. but yes. that's a reason. but it is because the roads are dodgy. and that, lovelies, is the true truth.

As to your second question, I would say that Malaysians, at least the Malaysians that you are targeting at, are pretty open to stuff. But please stray away from chinese food. I always deem it as family food. not friend-ish food. You're not targeting families are you? if you are then, chinese food, will be very accurate. you would then want no couches but nice hard chairs with round tables and lazy susans for the grandmothers, grandfathers, fathers, mothers, uncles, aunties, children, counsins, nephews and fill in the blanks.

I would just say that if you have nice cushy couches, lovely brick walls, and good indie music, and clothes all around, I'd come, definitely.

In terms of the ker-ching. Food outside is usually 10 ringgit or so. Unless you have are bubba gump shrimp and have copyrights to forrest gump, then you can charge 40 ringgit for a meal only. now they target the family, because children can't fork out such bundles of ker ching for a nice meal with their friends. do you understand the logic of this ringo ma jo?

list of my MUSTS:
nice chairs.
clean floors.
NO pests (cockroaches and other icky stuff)
GOOD music. not that mainstream nonsense that the malaysian radio is obsessed with. UGH.
an epic ambience.
FREE ALCOHOL! (i'm not sure if you know this but it is considered POLITE and COMPULSARY for all restaurants to give a free flow of alcohol all the time)
no "dodgy" organs.

haha.

i hope you understand which are the serious parts and not. because i was extremely serious about the dodgy nonsense. besides, i'm not sure if even a quarter of the population have ever encountered that particular word before. you wouldn't want to strain their forsaken minds, do you? but not about the alcohol. that was just a class A joke. just in case you weren't sure. just so you know.

well, i read your column in tongue in chic and I just sent an email applying for that internship opening. so, I thought that would be worth a mention (wink wink) KIDDING. i did send them an email. but i was kidding about the wink wink.

well, i hope you enjoyed my feedback. I'm not sure if it would be classified in the helpful category. but surely it was pleasant, wasn't it?

have a nice day:)